A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (Dinner Controversy)

In our house, a holiday hasn’t really started until we’ve watched the correlating Peanuts special. There’s no Halloween without the Great Pumpkin and no Saint Valentine without Charlie Brown and the Little Red Haired Girl.

Thanksgiving is no different; my family must have watched A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving at least four times every single November since I can remember.

Besides the fact that Charlie and the gang essentially invented Friendsgiving with their backyard holiday meal, I also think that Snoopy had the right idea when it comes to Thanksgiving dinner.

Let me preface this by saying I’ve never been one for turkey, and I’m even less of one for the soggy bread cooked inside said turkey. I would prefer potatoes to come any way other than mashed. The only saving grace for traditional Thanksgiving food is pumpkin pie, of which I can and have eaten in its entirety more than once.

I would gladly swap any traditional Thanksgiving casserole for a mountain of Snoopy’s buttered toast and an over-flowing bowl of popcorn. Who needs cranberry sauce when you have heaping bowls of jelly beans?

Besides the clearly superior food, consider the prep and cleanup time of the Peanut’s dinner. Instead of spending all day mashing potatoes and stuffing turkeys, you can simply pour pretzels into pretty crystal bowls. Cleanup is non-existent; no prep, no silverware, no pans, just some serving bowls and spoons for the ice cream sundaes.

You might be thinking that this disdain for everyone’s favorite holiday mean that I haven’t eaten the right Thanksgiving dinner before, but I can assure you that my grandma is one of the best cooks in all of Michigan. If anyone could help me see the Thanksgiving light, it would be her.

Maybe all of this Thanksgiving slander is a coping mechanism for this being my first holiday season away from my family. For the first time in over two decades, I won’t be sprawled on my grandparent’s living floor drinking too many peppermint mochas and sneaking whipped cream from the can when I thought my gram wasn’t paying attention (spoiler: she’s always paying attention). This year there will be no pumpkin pie or green bean casserole, both of which are the only truly acceptable Thanksgiving foods. Most importantly there will be no watching Son in Law, the best Thanksgiving movie of all time, on repeat all weekend with my sister.

Regardless of the reason, I stand by my controversial opinion: turkey is trash, long live the non-traditional Thanksgiving feast. This year I might not be toasting bread and popping corn (my apartment doesn’t even have a toaster, Snoopy would not be impressed), but I will be ordering Chinese takeout and drinking $11 Prosecco to honor the Peanuts and their non-traditional celebration.

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